Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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