sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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