May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
