Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize