My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
