smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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