You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
