Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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