put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We need to rekindle our bromance
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So many bounce houses so little time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
