It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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