i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
