Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
