My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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