Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just gargled with NyQuil
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
