Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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