Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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