I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
