Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
