Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize