I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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