it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
