i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
