Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
