Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
