I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
