you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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