I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
a search helicopter?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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