Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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