I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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