Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
