I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
