DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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