Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
