There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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