Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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