The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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