Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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