She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
