Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
