Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
soo... how was my night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
