I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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