Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
