when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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