I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
