She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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