i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
