Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
