did you get engaged???
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
