There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
