he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
