Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize