it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
