my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
