6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
