i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
