nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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