Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize