Just fell off a train. Bad.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
