3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
