I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
