OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
