THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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