btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
