The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
