pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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