sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
