its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
