Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
