and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
