if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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